Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Hillary Clinton: Stick A Fork In Her, She's Done

As the Wisconsin exit poll numbers roll in, it's finally hitting home for me that the Clinton Election Machine has been thoroughly trounced. There is no Comeback Kid part deux, no finding her voice and winning over America. She has been politically bested by a man with no accomplishments or a single substantial policy.

In the most recent installment of Shire Network News - the one with the Ezra interview - the host and an interviewee analyze the charismatic Democrat's vacuity. The interviewer reminds us of a part in the new Family Guy Star Wars spoof when the Emperor figures out the perfect formula for great Star Wars dialogue: "Something, something, something, dark side; something, something, something, complete." He went on that Obama has stumbled upon a similarly perfect formula for Democratic speech-writing: "Something, something, something, hope; something, something, something, change." And it's true. Listening to Obama speak is like playing a policy version of Where's Waldo.

"Is that a policy? No, no. That's just emotional demagoguery. Is that a policy? No. Hmm."

It's impossible to detect a single tangible policy behind his undoubtedly stirring words. And, consulting the delegate count, current poll numbers, and the momentum of the race, Democrats are buying right into it.

On a sadder note, how about Clinton's latest hair-brained scheme? Talk about desperation. Apparently, her campaign is prepared to win over a few of Obama's delegates - the one's he's already won - if Hillary thinks she needs them for the convention. That's right. She plans on somehow persuading pledged delegates who currently back Obama to switch sides in large enough numbers to secure the nomination. Apparently, it's legally possible and is kind of an open secret of the Democratic nomination process.

“Delegates are NOT bound to vote for the candidate they are pledged to at the convention or on the first ballot,” a recent DNC memo states. “A delegate goes to the convention with a signed pledge of support for a particular presidential candidate. At the convention, while it is assumed that the delegate will cast their vote for the candidate they are publicly pledged to, it is not required.”

So let the wooing begin, I guess. But can anybody actually see this plot panning out? Firstly, this rule is fairly obscure and violates some pretty entrenched conventions of the process. Secondly, the pledged delegates have been elected by the people to back a certain candidate so it would be seen as a betrayal to the voters if they switched sides at the last minute. And, finally, even if they manage to convince a few of Obama's people, how could they possibly hope to gain enough delegates to snag the nomination, especially if one assumes Obama will be fighting fire with fire and wooing her own delegates? Good luck with that, Hill.

So, despite a few moments over the past few months in which I was absolutely certain she couldn't be stopped no matter how charismatic the Obamessiah was, the American people seem to be eating his vacuous rhetoric like it was a delicious steak dinner, marinated in the sauce of hope and grilled on the barbecue of change. The polling numbers are spiraling out of Hillary's control. Her winning the nomination may still be possible mathematically, but here's one man's opinion: stick a fork in her, she's done.

PLUS: I wish I could call it a 'palate cleanser' but in reality it's more of a 'suicide inducer':

I'm so, so sorry. But, to be fair, Huckabee's fans suck too.

I feel dirty. I'm going to go shower now.

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